Wednesday, May 15, 2013

What Happened To Your Boobs?!

Bloomsday 2013
Keeping my motivation has been pretty hard to do.  In April, I tried counting calories for a while, but I was planning my daughters graduation party and my parents coming.  I got so overwhelmed with trying to focus on too many things and had to give that up to keep my sanity.  It did help for a little bit.  In the end, I decided if I was going to look the way I wanted to for the big party, I was going to have to do some fasting.  I wanted to pray and fast anyway, because I was such a nervous wreck about having 100 or more people over to my house.  In the end, I weighed what I wanted to and the party was a smashing success with 120 guests in all.
  My son, his fiancé, my younger son and daughter and I are here in this picture right before we did the 7 1/2 mile run.  It was a good motivator for me.  I felt good about my time.  Last year, I ran with my girlfriends and thought I was going to throw up the entire time averaging 10 min miles.  This time, I lost my friend and her daughter in the first few miles, so I ran my own pace.  I still did 10 min miles and beat my time by a few seconds.  It was also a lot hotter out.  I was pretty amazed.

   My Mom and Dad were here for 2 weeks.  It was a good visit, with a lot of challenges.  A normal visit with my mom entails a lot of good food, chocolate, and board/card games.  Of course I was stressed out trying to buy and make good food and not gain a lot of weight.  After all, In my mind, feeding a person good is showing love right?  The first week and beyond, I pretty much gained 1/3 to 1/2 lb per day.  I'd look at the scale and felt powerless to do anything about it.  Finally, one day I got really fed up.  Something in me just snapped.  I was just cooking all this crap, and we were all eating it.  I was buying this crap, and we were all eating it.  We'd have a meal, a snack, another snack, another meal, and so on.  It was just too much rich food and it was sabotaging us all.  As I watched my kids eating it, I felt like I was going to be sick.  I was just keeping the same thing in motion that had gone on for generations before me, letting it continue its perpetual motion.  
    That next morning, I got up and prayed hard.  I asked God to give me the strength to fight this stronghold in my family.  I could feel opposition in the air.  I stopped eating so much and cooking so much.  I forced myself to pay attention to what I was eating.  I didn't do things perfectly.  I still had too many treats, but I watched what I ate closely.  I started to feel empowered.  Soon I was not gaining weight.  My mom and I had some good conversations.  It was a good seed planted. 
    Obesity is a generational curse.  We grow familiar to it and let it take us.  If I don't resist it, knowingly, its not long before I resort back to old patterns, especially when I'm around my family.  My mom thinks I need to gain 5 or 10 lbs.  I wish I could lose 5 or 10 lbs.  My mom says "you look the best you've ever looked", but she also says "what happened to your boobs?!"  She's funny.  Her idea of what I should look like is different from mine.  That's okay.
    I had a lot of flashbacks of my eating patterns from childhood and I see that my younger kids are all to willing to go that route.  I decided that I am NOT buying sugar cereal for the summer PERIOD.  Its not healthy, not needed.  I'm not "loving them" by getting it for them.  I'm using it as a cheap way to pacify my guilt trip to make up for a day of being gone at work.  No more.  So to make myself feel better,  I buy them this crap that spikes their blood sugar, makes them hyper, and fills their developing bodies with processed, chemically altered poison.  Nope.  No cereal all summer.  No, I'm not going to be a cereal Nazi, I'm just not buying it.
Truth is, I've always known that many generations of my family has fought obesity.  This is no surprise.  I just thought that I was on the winning edge.  I'd beat it and I was helping my kids to make different choices.  Then in the blink of an eye, I'm falling into all my old patterns of RECREATIONAL EATING.  Yes, recreational eating. 
Recreational eating means that you eat as a form of recreation, rather than as a way to fuel your body.  When you fuel your body, you think about what it needs, not what it wants.  Thinking this way is a never ending battle for me.  Most of my thinking has to do with finding a way to make my sugar fix, my salt fix, my fat fix.  Anyhow, I truly believe that my kids don't have to go through what my my grandmother, my mother, and I went through.  I'm just crazy enough to believe that with God's help, obesity's power can once and for all be defeated.  My children don't have suffer the things we did.  They can grow up being healthy and passing down healthy traits to future generations.   Selah.
    Sorry to disappoint you, I don't have it all figured out.  I just know I have fight in me.  Until next month.......